Thursday, September 10, 2015

3 years

    Today is the 3rd anniversary of Samuel's heaven going. Losing your child is the most incredible pain, but I would never make it a day without knowing that he is in heaven with the Father and has no more sadness, sickness or pain.  What a gift to know that he is healed and whole and enjoying life far more than we can even comprehend. If you ever wonder about heaven, you should read Heaven by Randy Alcorn. What a wonderful picture and incredible comfort it provided for me.  How can I imagine not having my beautiful, precious child with me ...ever again? Only through God's grace and the comfort that knowing I will see my boy again allows me to continue and to live my life to the best of my ability and pray I can minister to others of His love and salvation. What a gift to know that we will be together again, one day! 
     It still doesn't mean that I don't miss him terribly!  That my heart literally is in pain because I miss him and can't believe the things we have been trying everything to help him and nothing works, not even oxygen. Like holding him and singing over his little body while our tears bathed him while Tim and I watched him take his last breaths. Or having to tell our precious children and family and friends that he took his last breaths.  Or carrying his frail body to the car that came to take him to the funeral home and watching it leave, thinking, "what am I doing putting him in a car with a stranger and not helping and holding him?"  Or feeling so empty and the house was being terribly quiet.
    3 Years later, I can say that the pain isn't as fresh daily, but it is there. Losing your child is losing part of you. It is not comprehendible  Only through the salvation and comfort from the Lord can we go on.
     Psalm 23 is special to us because we said it every night with Samuel.  It brought him and us comfort and we said it to him as he left us and entered glory. As I have been reflecting, I was inspired to write how Psalm 23 I working in my life.
Lord You are my Shepherd, my guide and Father.  I pray that I will not be in want, but find complete satisfaction in You.  You take me through green pasture~ beauty that you have created and supplied for my every need. You give me rest and give me comfort through your grace.
     You lead me beside the still waters~ peace for my soul. You guide me. You restore my soul.  You lead me in the path of righteousness~ Your Word has supplied me with the guide on pleasing and honoring You.    In Your Name.
     Even though I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death with precious Samuel,  I will fear no evil, only brokenness and longing for heaven and healing. Thank You for being with me.
Your rod and staff, they comfort me~ when the perils of life are overtaking me, You recue me.  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies ~ because I need no enemies or fear with You on my side.  You anoint my head with oil~ this is the honor that You have chosen overflows~ I am full in You. 

 You provide, protect and fill me. 
      Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life because I can rest in You.  And I will, one day, dwell in Your house and be in my eternal home FOREVER!  ~Amen