Monday, July 16, 2012

”Mercy comes with the morning”

If you were driving around last week, you may have passed me driving and noticed me singing very enthusiastically in the van. Ha! I took Samuel to the Dr. and was listening to a cd I made back in 2009 of my favorite songs that year.  One of my all time favorites is this one I'm sharing tonight.  Its by Brooke Frasier called ” C..S.Lewis song”.  It is one of my favorites (I have alot of favorites)! If you listen to it you should close your eyes and try and focus on what she is saying... I wish I could attach just the song with no pictures, but I am not that comport savvy!
"C.S. Lewis Song"
If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy, I can only conclude that I was not made for here. If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary, then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared.
[CHORUS:] Speak to me in the light of the dawn, Mercy comes with the morning. I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me.
Am I lost or just less found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way? is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive? Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb, And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become.
[BRIDGE:] For we, we are not long here. Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it. And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you. Hope is coming for me. Hope, He's coming...
This songs gives me chills and makes me so excited about the promise that Jesus gives us that He is COMING! And He is our HOPE!
I need this reminder constantly, especially after a weekend like this! You may already know, but again, I thought we were going to lose Samuel on Saturday. He had a great week last week and we are so grateful! He was himself, happy, not throwing up much at all and enjoying life. We even made a pitstop at Chick E Cheese on our way to the pulminologist! After not going anywhere for weeks, it seems, except to the Dr., it was good to get out for a few minutes while he was doing a little better!
Anyway, Saturday he was tired and feel asleep in his beanbag and he started coughing and within seconds, was in respiratory distress, fast heartrate, low oxygen and fever! After doing breathing treatments with o2, medication and lots of suction he still was not doing better. He usually responds after all of this and starts calming down, but after 2 hours he still needed oxygen and his respirations were too fast. I decided to alert the family and a few friends to pray. Within 10 minutes he was calming down! Wow! They power of prayer! He did struggle several times off & on and I have been constantly checking his sats and doing treatments and medication, but tonight he seems to be about normal!  Praise the Lord in all things, but I am so thankful for more time with my boy! He, of course, is weak and today was not well at all, but at least he isn't struggling to breath and suffering.
After a weekend like this...with Samuel struggling so much, Tim still in much pain from his wreck and coming down  with a respiratory infection, the house out of sorts because we are converting the garage into a school + therapy room and the old school room into a room for Micah, we needed some relief!
It doesn't mean things are easier, but a few hours to sit and reflect and be thankful for today is what I need right now.
Speaking of today, we had an amazing surprise come to our house!  We celebrated everyones many days they were, to be exact!  My sweet friend Heather called and asked if they could come and visit Samuel and said she was bringing lunch. When they arrived she had printed out how many days old each child was today (she said ours was depressing and we didn't need that). She brought balloons, chicken nuggets for the kids, quesadillas for us moms and angry birds cupcakes! It was wonderful! Samuel was very tired and not himself, but a little while with his best buddie Knox, and he perked up a little.:-)  I am thankful for time with friends & celebrating our the songs says ” our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it”. 
Mercy did come today, and I am thankful. I am also thankful for all who have prayed and are praying for our family, we do need it desperately right now. Your prayers, encouragement, meals and love have given us great encouragement! I am thankful for my Father, who has given me great hope!
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NASB
”Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”
C..S. Lewis song...enjoy!

Monday, July 9, 2012


First of all I am so very thankful for the good day we all had on the 4th! It was good for all of us to see Samuel well! If you haven't noticed...our life is like a rollercoaster. Up & down constantly! He is good, then he is terrible. So  Friday night about 6 pm Samuel began to throw up and.aspirated worse than ever before! I frantically tried to help him by turning him on his side. He needed oxygen and major help clearing his lungs. His o2 was very low and he was again in respiratory distress.  I was thankful Annaleigh & Micah came running to help without being asked. Annaleigh ran to get some medicine to help calm him and Micah wanted to hold the oxygen for Samuel while I suctioned for over an hour! Those 2 are amazing! Gracie was out sewing with grandma. Tim came home and we continued together to help our little boy. Once he finally calmed down he went to sleep for the night. He woke up with a fever and probably had pneumonia again. Praise the Lord for his smart vest and nebulizer treatments!
I started to write this on friday and then was so tired I fell asleep! So now I am updating (Monday). We have had a battle with the beeper all weekend!!! You see, his feeding pump gives him formula at a slow rate about 20 hours each day & night. Well, his j tube (through his intestine) has a kink in it... So the pump can't pump and sounds an alarm, all day and all night (off and on). I can reposition Samuel and try and work it out with warm water in a syringe, but the beeping always comes back!  He is having a procedure right now to try and fix it.
He has been so happy this morning even though he has refluxed and thrown up. He took a good nap too. I am always feeling better about things when he is happy.

Thankful today for his happy heart and peaceful rest.

Proverbs 15:15
”A miserable heart means a miserable life;a cheerful heart fills the day with a song.”

Thursday, July 5, 2012

4th of July!

It was a wonderful day yesterday! Samuel was Samuel for a day! He smiled, was able to participate in the fun and loved swimming! He fell asleep before the fireworks, but Daddy (Tim) really wanted him to enjoy them, so we had him outside with us (asleep). When Tim accidentally shot one the wrong direction it was very exciting and woke us all up!! Samuel loved the rest of the fireworks and sparklers! It was truly a blessing to celebrate together and have our boy doing so well!
Also our dear friends came to celebrate...but they not only brought their sweet selves, but they brought the food and decorations (of course only cute, matching decor :-)  !...who does that!? My 2 thoughtful, precious friends Bebe & Alisa. Their kind husbands graciously allowed Micah to jump on them, squirt them, etc. (little boys)! Their children and mine have been friends forever and they are so happy just to be together! Micah, especially loved wrestling with Joel & Caleb!  It was fun to watch him have some boy time! 
Thankful for our country and a time to celebrate! Also, thankful for such a wonderful day!

Alisa also put the best pictures on her blog from yesterday....

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Angel visit

Last night Samuel kept coughing and needing suctioning, so I would run to his side frequently. One time, instead of looking so tired and sick he looked toward the wall and smiled so big. It was a pure, content smile.  Well, I knew why he was smiling.
I'm not sure I have shared about his ”angel's” here before.
For years he has been looking toward the empty wall just smiling from ear to ear and I would wonder why? So, about a year and a half ago I read 2 books. One was ”Heaven is for Real” the other was ” The boy who came back from Heaven”. Both were wonderful and made me yearn for heaven. I also shared parts of the books with the family. Both of the boys in the books talked about angels being by there side, comforting them and encouraging them.
I decided to ask Samuel if it was his angel(s) that were making him smile and sometimes laugh. When I did, he motioned YES! He was also, so happy...he even giggled (which is Very rare)! This was over a year ago, so ever since we have known that maybe they were encouraging him or letting him in on something special!
I do believe children like Samuel know and see things that we don't have the privilege of knowing and seeing. Since they are special they get special privileges. I believe they are bringing him comfort and joy. They can hear what he cannot say and are encouraging him to Trust in our Heavenly Father.

Psalm 34:7 NASB

The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him,
And rescues them.

Thankful for our guardian angels and the joy & delight Samuel has when he sees his! :-)

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Down day

Watching my precious little boy today has taken its toll on me. I usually am in ”Mommy mode”, where I am so busy, I don't have time or energy to get down.  When I have those moments they can't last long because somebody needs me. Today, I guess I had too much quiet and it snuck up on me. I have been a basket case. I am sad that Samuel is so puny, throwing up bile frequently, draining alot of bile from his stomach, has a fever still, is not himself.:-(
I am also sad that our family cannot just go on an outing anymore together. Everywhere we go, 9x out of 10, Tim and I (or a trained helper) take turns staying home with Samuel so the other can take the kids.  We have taken him to church a couple of times in the past 2 months and that is about all (besides Dr appointments). We all did go to see Madagascar 3, since the commercial made all of the kids so happy.  I think he liked it, he was just very still and serious. Not his happy, wiggly, full of expression self.
Tonight we were invited to have supper with my parents and siblings & we were invited to our small group at church with some of our dearest friends, but we could not take him out. He is too sick and gets worse when we go places.  My siblings and mama still worked out coming to get the other kids. They are watching fireworks, too, so I am glad they went. And VERY thankful for family that loves my children as their own!

  I have been doing pretty well lately considering everything. Friday was a true test. First, Samuel was sick and I took care of his stuff (which can take a couple of hours), then Tim &I went to a meeting that NOBODY ever wants to have...then I got home and Mama was here with the kids and Samuel had just aspirated and was in respiratory distress...and the power was out, in 102° weather!!! So I loaded him up and took him to mamas house and she stayed here and swam with the other kids. My phone died at her house, so after the power was on and things were a little cooler we got in the van to come home and I plugged my phone back in. Tim had text me to CALL HIM!  He had a wreck!  Thankfully, he was ok. He is sore still, please pray he will heal quickly.  Anyway, through all of that, I held it together. I prayed that morning that I would be extra strong that day and the Lord would give Tim and I strength. Thankful for that.

So, today, we all stayed home from our dear church. The kids were all coughing from a cold, Tim was hurting from the wreck and I was caring for Samuel (and everyone). I started feeling sad we weren't sitting at our table, eating Sunday lunch. Instead we sat in the living room and watched 7 Brides for 7 Brothers...a family favorite.  It was fine, but it is almost the norm. these days. Samuel can't join us, so we join him. We don't want him to watch us eat (since he can't), so we have the tv on. I guess this is how it needs to be right now, but I am trying to let go of things that were always important to me. The Lord is teaching me through Samuel to be content in my circumstances.
I also, hate to see him like this. It is unbearable.  I don't want to lose him, but he is so weak and miserable alot of the time or sleeping off and on, that I think how Happy he will be in Jesus arms. This is truly a difficult road. I do not want anyone to feel sorry for us, but I know you are sad with us.
I am sharing this tonight because so many have asked how to pray.  I am not trying to complain. Our sweet boy does have medicine to try and make him comfortable, but he is still moaning some, napping alot more and not himself. I ask you to pray for his comfort if he cannot be well again, for Tim and me, our children and family and friends.
I am thankful today for some sweet moments together... Tim snuggling with Samuel, him throwing the kids in the pool for fun and the joy that brought to them all and for him holding me when I was sad. Tim is truly a blessing like no other. Also, I am thankful for this devotional that I read tonight and that my Heavenly Father is always sending me what I need, when I need Him.

Isaiah 41:10 NIV

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.