Monday, June 4, 2012

Is it well?

I have had in my head continually today one of my favorite hymns... Or it used to be. You see, I love to sing and I especially loved ”It is well”. I truly  believed every word! When I found out my little boy had something wrong with him, it became harder for me to sing it heartily. Then I lost 2 babies to miscarriage and it became even harder. In the last couple of years it is almost impossible. I want to sing it, with joy, but I become too emotional and begin sobbing instead. It is a beautiful song, written from the heart of another parent. The man who wrote it lost 6 children of his own... Six.  He actually wrote the song after several traumatic events. He lost his only son at 3 years old. It was after that he lost his 4 daughters who drowned in the sea. Then later he and his wife lost another baby. They had 2 daughters that did live. I simply cannot imagine. This reminds me of Job and his trials. He was a godly man, but lost his children, his cattle, his wealth, and his health for a while. All the while he praised God through his pain.
I do love this hymn, but when we truly think about what we are singing the meaning of the song becomes even more beautiful. I can only pray to obtain this faith.

Many people have asked my family if we are prepared. I don't know how to prepare. I know that we can pray for His mercy and comfort. I know that we can read His word together and to Samuel, but how can I ever be ready to lose my child? We have known for a long time that Samuel has a progressive disease and the ”spots” on his brain are damage that are irreversible. I do know that we are blessed with so many people lifting us up to our Father and He is covering us with peace. I took a nap today because Samuel had been up since 3:30am and did not find rest the rest of the night. I had a dream of him running and laughing in heaven surrounded by our friends babies and children who are there. It was peaceful. But at the same time we don't want to lose our child. I still cannot fathom how to deal with that? No matter what happens it will be painful... Watch him suffer and be in pain, or lose him. May God continue to give us his peace and comfort.
     Our family did have a sweet time together tonight. Samuel has aspiration pneumonia right now and his fever has not been responding to antibiotic, steroid and advil and tylenol all day (after over 48 hours). But by 8 pm his fever finally dropped to 99.6! Also, Micah was being so silly and making us laugh. Gracie and Annaleigh shared with Tim and me some verses that they are memorizing and what they are learning. I am so blessed by these children and all they are teaching me. I even sat outside tonight while Tim worked on the pool and the kids caught fireflies and Samuel hard a bullfrog and did a little giggle! :-)
   I am thankful today for this hymn, even though it may be difficult to sing because ”Christ had regarded our helpless estate and has shed His own blood for my soul! Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, o my soul!” May in all circumstances we say, it is well with my soul because He is sovereign.

It Is Well With My Soul

When peace like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain: It is well, (it is well), With my soul, (with my soul) It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live: If Jordan above me shall roll, No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life, Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait, The sky, not the grave, is our goal; Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord! Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll; The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, Even so, it is well with my soul.

Horatio Spafford

  Here is also the link of one of my favorite groups singing it is well. These 2 both have babies in heaven.

Pictures are sweet visits and celebrations over the past week or so... My nephew, Tucker turning 2, my neice, Chloe Bekah turning 1, Tim making a tent with the boys, the Grandmas and friends visiting this week.


Erin Bradley said...

Praying for you and your precious family.

Jamie said...

Mary E... you encourage my soul.

Jamie Allen said...

Oh sweet lady I have no words. I am bawling my eyes out at the truth of all you have just said. Whether we lose a child in death or in life, they ARE all in God's hands. I am trying to get my soul to sing "It is well....." Thank you!

maryanne said...

God is good all the time..He is merciful to His beloved!

Ann said...

Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and remember that underneath are the everlasting arms. Thanks so much for your up-front honesty. Know that many are praying for you.

Alisa said...

We are weak , BUT HE IS STRONG. I love you, dear friend.

I will always think of Samuel, now, when I hear the croak of a bullfrog. Sweet.

Anonymous said...

Tears are flowing! I need some "Samules serapy " love you! Susannah

~marie said...

Your faithful heart never ceases to amaze me. Your family is such a precious thing to behold. Praying for peace and comfort for you all! Love you!

Kathy said...

Praying for you and sweet Samuel. Cannot imagine the pain your heart must be feeling at this time.

Elizabeth Pickens said...

I am blessed to have read this...I am lifting you to the throne tonight. God is faithful.