Watching my precious little boy today has taken its toll on me. I usually am in ”Mommy mode”, where I am so busy, I don't have time or energy to get down. When I have those moments they can't last long because somebody needs me. Today, I guess I had too much quiet and it snuck up on me. I have been a basket case. I am sad that Samuel is so puny, throwing up bile frequently, draining alot of bile from his stomach, has a fever still, is not himself.:-(
I am also sad that our family cannot just go on an outing anymore together. Everywhere we go, 9x out of 10, Tim and I (or a trained helper) take turns staying home with Samuel so the other can take the kids. We have taken him to church a couple of times in the past 2 months and that is about all (besides Dr appointments). We all did go to see Madagascar 3, since the commercial made all of the kids so happy. I think he liked it, he was just very still and serious. Not his happy, wiggly, full of expression self.
Tonight we were invited to have supper with my parents and siblings & we were invited to our small group at church with some of our dearest friends, but we could not take him out. He is too sick and gets worse when we go places. My siblings and mama still worked out coming to get the other kids. They are watching fireworks, too, so I am glad they went. And VERY thankful for family that loves my children as their own!
I have been doing pretty well lately considering everything. Friday was a true test. First, Samuel was sick and I took care of his stuff (which can take a couple of hours), then Tim &I went to a meeting that NOBODY ever wants to have...then I got home and Mama was here with the kids and Samuel had just aspirated and was in respiratory distress...and the power was out, in 102° weather!!! So I loaded him up and took him to mamas house and she stayed here and swam with the other kids. My phone died at her house, so after the power was on and things were a little cooler we got in the van to come home and I plugged my phone back in. Tim had text me to CALL HIM! He had a wreck! Thankfully, he was ok. He is sore still, please pray he will heal quickly. Anyway, through all of that, I held it together. I prayed that morning that I would be extra strong that day and the Lord would give Tim and I strength. Thankful for that.
So, today, we all stayed home from our dear church. The kids were all coughing from a cold, Tim was hurting from the wreck and I was caring for Samuel (and everyone). I started feeling sad we weren't sitting at our table, eating Sunday lunch. Instead we sat in the living room and watched 7 Brides for 7 Brothers...a family favorite. It was fine, but it is almost the norm. these days. Samuel can't join us, so we join him. We don't want him to watch us eat (since he can't), so we have the tv on. I guess this is how it needs to be right now, but I am trying to let go of things that were always important to me. The Lord is teaching me through Samuel to be content in my circumstances.
I also, hate to see him like this. It is unbearable. I don't want to lose him, but he is so weak and miserable alot of the time or sleeping off and on, that I think how Happy he will be in Jesus arms. This is truly a difficult road. I do not want anyone to feel sorry for us, but I know you are sad with us.
I am sharing this tonight because so many have asked how to pray. I am not trying to complain. Our sweet boy does have medicine to try and make him comfortable, but he is still moaning some, napping alot more and not himself. I ask you to pray for his comfort if he cannot be well again, for Tim and me, our children and family and friends.
I am thankful today for some sweet moments together... Tim snuggling with Samuel, him throwing the kids in the pool for fun and the joy that brought to them all and for him holding me when I was sad. Tim is truly a blessing like no other. Also, I am thankful for this devotional that I read tonight and that my Heavenly Father is always sending me what I need, when I need Him.
Isaiah 41:10 NIV
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.